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— Years ago there was a TV commercial for Cremora Coffee Creamer, in which the man of the house was struggling to find his Cremora. It ends with the man growling,”It’s not inside! It’s on top!“, referring to the Cremora on top of the family refrigerator.

The problem with the tribal polygamist Zulu president, Jacob Zuma, is like the refrigerator in the Cremora commercial. It is not what is inside of him, it is what is on top of him. He is just a traditionalist Zulu who believes in a culture of “hail to the chief”, “what’s yours is now mine”, brazen patronage, gifts to the chief, and all the other cultural things that make Africa a Global Backwater. He simply cannot get his head around why corruption is wrong. He believes it is expected, and if you’re NOT corrupt, you are deemed an idiot not worthy of the position or the respect that comes with being chief. He cannot understand any of this “Corruption stuff”, and he will die not understanding it.

The actual problem is with what’s on top…. of his head. That is an ANC (African National Congress) cap. The man has survived six motions of no confidence in parliament, because the African National Congress Party of Mandela has bailed him out every single time. This is because THEY believe corruption is correct. They have bled the country dry and have pilfered the system of the country to the point where the world at large has finally realised it. Of course, the regular media of the West sees their black faces and immediately thereupon forgive them anything from theft to murder. So, they repeatedly get away with it. Meanwhile, his head is clearly too big for the cap. It kind of “comes with the territory”; welcome to Africa.

However, yesterday the Constitutional Court finally ruled that the Assembly—read “The ANC”—had “failed to hold to account” the president. It gave them a time limit for doing something about it.

It is pretty clear that various folks will be going all out to impeach him, and he should have been impeached and removed years ago. However, I want him to stick around. Every minute his savage tribal mug appears under that hat in the picture is a blow in the interest of civilization. The reason is simple: he is just a symptom, the disease is the ANC. Every minute he can be associated with the ANC is a minute well spent.

So, dear Mr. Zuma, I’d love for you to wear an ANC hat every single day for what remains of your tenure. Unfortunately, the people of South Africa think you are the problem and that the hat is just an adornment. They are terribly wrong. You are just a regular backwater Zulu village chief doing what regular backwater village chiefs do al over Africa. What makes you so odious and destructive is that despicable thing on your head which gave you access to the state coffers. However, since they all think the stink of corruption emanates from you, I’d be ever so happy if you’d remain under that hat for as absolutely long as possible to do maximum possible damage to the ANC.

It is said that a fish rots from the head. However, in South Africa the whole fish has been rotten for decades now. In this particular case, the whole fish has to be destroyed because it is stinking up the whole countryside. And I’d like Zuma around as advertisement for the problem. Two more years of mayhem after twenty-four is a small price to pay for the long-term gain of seeing the ANC rot off its own bone.

The problem with South Africa is not Zuma; it is the ANC.

Harry Booyens