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— It would appear that President Trump, the most powerful leader in the world, is planning on appointing South African-born Lana Marks as Ambassador to South Africa. The post has been vacant since he took office and has been filled on a temporary basis by Jessye Lapenn. (As to that video: errr..Ja, well, no, fine : For American readers that is more or less somewhere between “yeah, right” and “you’re kidding me, right?”)

The previous ambassador, Patrick Gaspard, was a pal of Obama’s, born in the Congo to Haitian parents. That neatly represented the Obama School of Thought: Pick a guy that’s Black — all about skin colour. So it was clear that all one had to do was be Black, be a worker in Obama’s election campaign, and be a community organizer. One did not actually need to know anything about South Africa. As to being from the Congo, that would be the equivalent of Russia appointing a Paraguayan as Ambassador to the United States. I mean, he’d be from the continent of America, would he not…oh, yes….and he’d be white…right?

Julius and the Little Red Handbag

So, the appointment of Lana Marks, who runs a line of exotic animal skin handbags, seems pretty sensible against that background. She’s a born South African, she’s  experienced in business, and, most importantly, she knows how to turn nasty animals into handbags. She started her line of handbags in response to the fact that the British Queen could not find a suitable red alligator skin bag to go with a suit she had. Marks has been hugely successful in running this empire.

So now, it strikes me that she’s exactly relevant to this particular job. The way I’m thinking, she could turn Julius Malema (below- click on image) into that little red alligator skin job behind her head in the picture above. Sure, I don’t know if it is really alligator skin, but work with me here. It would go with Malema’s party colours and with his character. It is most appropriate that it should be a SMALL red handbag, because once all that fat has been melted off Malema, there is not much of substance left.  Those two side pockets could be used to carry muti (witchdoctor potions), and it is most relevant that there should be…errr…. two, if you see what I mean. One caution though: as with most ladies’ handbags—bear with me here ladies— if it’s mouth opens, the most ridiculous combination of things comes out. So, Marks might want to consider a solid zipper on the top of the Little Red Handbag, to make sure the mouth STAYS shut.

It  kind of goes with the British colours also. I thought they once tried to paint Africa red from the Cape to Cairo.

Forgive my sense of humour; it keeps me from screaming. We South Africans don’t have much to smile about, and every bit helps. Clicking on his image below shows what Malema is actually all about.

— Harry Booyens

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